It’s four-thirty in the morning, and my alarm clock is berserk. So, like an average person, I roll over and try to hit the snooze button. The funny thing about that is that no matter how many times I push this button, the alarm doesn’t want to shut off. I start to wonder if the button is broken. The short answer to that question is no! Children just aren't programmed to stop because you push their buttons. In the back of my mind, I am thinking, “Sorry, welcome to fatherhood; I hope you enjoy your flight.”
What does fatherhood mean?
Fatherhood can mean a multitude of things to people of many different occupations. But as for me, being a military member gives me a purpose to come home at the end of the day. I'm not saying that my wife, mom, dad, or siblings aren't enough reason for me to go out there and fly, fight, win, then come home and have enough energy left over to entertain their questions about how my day was. There is just something about this tiny human being staring at me with hope, curiosity, and a huge smile, willing to listen to me vent and ask nothing in return.
As far as the whole fatherhood goes, I am still learning.
I am a 12-day-old father and a four-day-old newly-wed who has only been in the Air Force for four years and one month. My life has changed so rapidly that I haven't had time to make sense of it all. Now, don't get me wrong, I love how my career has progressed and would not trade the love of my life or my firstborn son for anything. I am just stating that I am gratefully overwhelmed by the course of events in my life.
Processing emotions as a first-time father
I process my emotions the way I go about my daily routine—one step at a time. When I first enlisted in the military, I had one thing stuck in my mind. Get out of this toxic environment. So I did just that. Everything else just happened to fall in place. Within the last year, I met a beautiful, intelligent, driven Italian woman who swept me off my feet; we started a family and married in that order.
As far as the whole fatherhood goes, I am still learning. Every day I learn something new and exciting. I never knew there were so many rules and obligations to this parenting thing. Fair to say, my son did not come with an instruction manual. It would be in Italian, German, and English if he did. Not to mention all assemblies are sold separately.
Being a parent, I expect to make mistakes and gain understanding from them. I will do the best I can with what I have and what is in my control. I will option all feedback from outside sources and implement what I find suitable to my circumstance. Most of all, I will listen to my gut and make decisions from the heart.
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